Borderline Personality Disorder and the Church

You can’t understand me without understanding borderline personality disorder. I’m still wrestling with feeling like I don’t fit in and that I’m misunderstood. I don’t know anyone who can relate to me on the level I so deeply desire. I know of one other person with BPD, and they’re not even a Christian. I don’t... Continue Reading →

Worshipping in the Waiting

Life has been...nuts. Honestly, that's the only word that comes to mind that seems to sum everything up accurately. A few other words include: wonderful, sad, difficult, pressuring, miraculous, beautiful, terrifying, slow, fast, wild, fulfilling, emptying... So, it seems like "nuts" sums everything up pretty well. Let's dive in. I moved back to Fort Wayne... Continue Reading →

Light

“There’s a light you don’t notice when you’re standing in the dark.” (Tauren Wells) I saw no light. I believed there was no light. I couldn’t even dream of the light. But here I am—in the light. Two years ago, I couldn’t see past the minute in front of me. I was tired of being... Continue Reading →

To My Therapist Who Disappeared:

I'm hurt. Usually, I'd say I'm pissed, but my new therapist taught me anger is sad's bodyguard. I have found that statement to be true in almost every instance since hearing it. Anyway, I'm hurt. I thought switching to the first day of the week would reduce the cancellations. I must say, nothing beats calling... Continue Reading →

Listen to the Waves

Have you ever been given the opportunity to sit on a beach, one that is engulfed by white sand that meets crystal clear water, and just be? Could you hear the waves crashing and swashing against the warm sand? And the sun—how warm and ferociously tender did the rays feel hitting your shoulders and nose?... Continue Reading →

Soggy Leaves

I have always hated soggy leaves--the kinds that stick to the bottom of your shoes. They follow you for the rest of your day unless you expend the energy to detach them from the souls of your kicks. Sometimes, when left long enough, soggy leaves disintegrate into the grooves of the souls. Can not the... Continue Reading →

Out

It starts with a breath... in  and out in and out. Followed by first steps  and short words, temper tantrums and messy drawers. And then one day it hits you-- without a warning, you're 22. You look back  and wonder what happened when you were younger. You recall some good times, mostly drowned out by... Continue Reading →

Memories

Some stick. Some fade. Sometimes, everything you know vanishes. Somedays, you come face to face with them. Somedays, you sprint away. Somedays, you beg for a glimpse of what was and will never be again. Sometimes, you freeze because you feel one surfacing-- you squint a little, and torque your face. You rack your brain... Continue Reading →

Raped to Redeemed

I cannot believe I am putting this out into the world. I have fought the reality for years, even though the reality has been staring me in the face. Every time I drive in my town, I peer out of my window, expecting to see him. I have seen him in my dreams. I used... Continue Reading →

Our God

Peace that surpasses all understanding Truth that exists to speak Love that fills the heart Comfort that cascades overtly Strength when all else fades away Joy when all hope dissipates A pursuit that persists Light when darkness invades Freedom when bondage envelopes Grace when mistakes consume Advocate when silence seals the lips A rock when... Continue Reading →

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